How much do you love me?
by HedgieX
Summary: Set around Series 5, the ARC team are facing more daunting challenges every day. Becker and Jess's relationship begins to develop, while Abby and Connor's degenerates. But when a terrible accident shakes them all to the core, will they be able to cope?
1. Chapter 1

Captain Hilary Becker scooped up his latest high-tech gun and slung the strap over his shoulder, savouring the feel of the cool metal weapon in his hands. As Matt Anderson had once aptly pointed out, he loved his guns. They were his babies.

Glancing out of the window, he noted a weak glow filling the sky as the sun rose steadily; it was dawn, which still gave him plenty of time to practice with his new toy before work began. Perfect.

He turned to head for the target shot room, but something caught his eye. No, _someone._ A small, dainty brunette huddled up on the wall outside, gazing up at the clouds. She could've been mistaken for a child, she appeared so small from Becker's viewpoint. But no; he'd recognise that figure anywhere. Jess.

Abandoning his gun, he hurried downstairs, nodding briefly to James Lester as they met in one of the many winding ARC corridors. Lester was another early riser, keen to fit plenty into his day, although he preferred sarcasm to violence, weapon-wise...

Jessica Parker turned her head a fraction as he sank down beside her, but hastily glanced away as she registered who it was. Not so quickly that she could disguise her tears from Becker, though. He eyed her bewilderedly for a moment, unsure of how to react. Sure, he knew everything about guns, and armies, and wars. But sometimes he lacked a little in people skills. No, he'd correct that. A lot.

"Are you okay?" he muttered, inwardly cursing himself. What kind of a question was that? Of course she wasn't – she was crying!

Jess, however, managed a faint smile, meeting his gaze now. At least he was trying; at least he cared. "Kind of."

He found himself reaching out for her hand, suddenly desperate to comfort her. She _was _really quite pretty, he realised now, her deep brown eyes warm and loyal, and her cheeks delicately freckled. "Do you...do you want to talk about it?"

She bit her lip, her fingers trembling in his tight grasp. If she was honest, she'd liked Becker ever since she'd first set eyes on him; tall and strong, with the added attraction of a tight black uniform, he was handsome. But he'd seemed brusque and irritable, and she'd avoided him wherever possible.

He seemed to sense her hesitation, for he loosened his grip, and averted his eyes to stare out across the street. He'd picked up enough about people to understand she didn't want to tell anyone. At least not him. "You don't have to. I just thought..."

"No, no," she sounded slightly stronger now, as if wanting to prove herself to him. It went to show; you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Or a soldier by his uniform. "I want to. It's just...my mum's ill; I know that sounds stupid, but she's all I've got, and...and I love her. The thought of...I'm scared, sir."

"She'll be okay, Jess," he consoled gently, fumbling around in his pockets and finally producing a crumpled tissue, which he pressed into her hand. Always prepared.

She shook her head slowly, whimpering as she mopped at the new droplets trickling down her face, "But that's just it. She won't be okay. She's dying; the doctors have given her...a couple of weeks...to live. A couple of weeks, sir. Then...then her life is over."

"Oh, Jess. I'm sorry," he couldn't meet her gaze. What did you say to that? How could you help? "You shouldn't be here. I'll talk to Lester; he'll let you..."

"I don't want time off. I have to keep busy." she sniffed, struggling to contain her sorrow. Feeling sorry for herself wouldn't help anyone, would it? But...

Her head lolled sideways against Becker's shoulder, a strand of hair escaping from its clip and falling over her face. He let her sob, simply squeezing her hand to show his support. Somehow, it felt right, being with her. As if they needed eachother.

Eventually, her sobbing subsided, and she sat up again, running her fingers under her eyes nervously, "Oh my...I'm sorry, I didn't...what must you think of me? How much of a mess am I, sir? I need to..."

"Jess," he silenced her with a single word, his tone both stern and loving. He surprised even himself with that; yes, he could act angry and frustrated very easily, but caring and concerned? What was going on with him? "Jess, you look fine. You look...you look gorgeous. And it's Becker."

She stared at him for a moment, her eyes gradually widening as he flushed. He wasn't joking. He meant it. And that really mattered to her. "Thank you. Becker."

He returned her apprehensive smile; this was new to both of them. But he raised his hands to her face and stroked her hair back behind her ears tenderly, memorising every tiny detail of her expression. The way her lashes fluttered as she blinked, the dimples around her mouth at her smile. This was way, way better than any gun. This was heaven on earth.

She leant in, her hands creeping up his waist. He was muscly, she registered, yet slender. And his eyes... They were centimetres from eachother now, their lips so close to touching. One more moment...

"Becker! Jess!" a high-pitched squeal shook them both, and they drew back instantly from eachother. Abby Maitland, dressed in her usual denim shorts and tight vest top, stood in the doorway of the menagerie, a look of utter horror etched across her face. Becker leapt up; Abby, with her gutsy, fun and laid-back approach to life, simply didn't do scared. Something was seriously wrong.

He lifted a leg as if to run towards her, but it flailed in mid-air as he stopped dead, paralysed with shock. In front of them, heading straight for the wall, and approaching at a thunderous rate, was a huge creature. Its claws pounded the earth, its red eyes flashing wildly. They had no chance.

Grabbing Jess at the last moment, he threw her to the side with all his might, praying harder than he ever had in all his life that she'd be okay. Right now, that was all that mattered.

Then the dinosaur charged, and he flew backwards over the bricks, excruciating pain coursing his veins for barely a second before the world fell black before his eyes, and he felt absolutely nothing at all.

XxXxX

She soared effortlessly, floating through the clouds as the sun's rays warmed her feathers. He flew beside her, their wings touching every so often. Each time they connected, she felt a tingle in her heart; joy, and excitement, and adoration, all mixed into one. She was literally euphoric.

But then the sky flashed dark, and icy raindrops poured down from above, soaking them thoroughly. She struggled to continue, shivering violently in the bitter cold. He lifted her gently, helping her to safety, and for a second, relief flooded through her, and the weather was irrelevant in the shelter of his hold.

He tumbled, though, spiralling down and down towards the earth helplessly, while she screamed in torment, unable to do anything but watch him fall...

"Jess? Jess, it's okay. You're safe now. You're in hospital, remember?" Abby's soft words woke her, and, in an instant, everything made sense again. She wished she'd stayed in the nightmare. It was better than the reality.

She was shaking, and sweat poured down her face as it mingled with the devastated tears, but still she hauled herself up in bed, doing her feeble best to ignore the pain, "How is he? Can I see him?"

"No. No, not at the moment," her friend's voice was laced with deep regret during the sentence, but she forced herself back into cheerful mode hastily. Jess didn't need any more worries. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel sick," she fell back against the pillows, unable to find the strength or the courage to stay sitting up. Her hair was matted with blood, sticking to her neck, and her dress was ripped down the side, but for once in her life, she actually didn't care. All she wanted was to see Becker, to know he was okay. And she couldn't, because he wasn't. "Where is he? Why can't I see him? What's wrong with him?"

"Jess, you need to calm down," Lester muttered disapprovingly, and she spun round to find him hovering in the farthest corner from the bed, straightening his bow tie while eyeing her uneasily, "He's in hospital, but he was badly injured; we told you that yesterday. I know you're worried, but you can't see him yet, and that's final."

"Why didn't you stop it? How did it even get out?" she pleaded frustratedly. Abby glanced down at her arm, held gingerly by her side, and Jess noticed for the first time a long deep gash, neatly stitched, but obviously painful. She wasn't the only one who'd suffered. Abby definitely hadn't given into the creature without a fight.

"Sorry," both girls mumbled in unison. Jess smiled weakly, "I'm just...I'm just worried about him."

"I know; so am I. And about you," Abby returned the smile compassionately as Lester tapped his foot in the corner, clearly impatient, "He'll be okay. He's tough."

"I never got to thank him. For caring about my mum."

Abby nodded sympathetically. Lester had revealed to the team Jess's family issues after the incident, and although Jess hadn't exactly been thrilled at first, at least she didn't have to tell them herself now. "We haven't been allowed to see him, but one of the doctors at the ARC told us he asked for you, when he first woke up."

Jess gulped, envisaging him lying alone in a lab surrounded by sturdy white-coated men. With such injuries, the team weren't allowed to normal hospitals; she'd only sustained minor injuries from the fall as he'd thrown her to safety, but he'd been viciously attacked by a monster. That kind of thing didn't tend to go down well in public. "I think..."

She trailed off as Abby and Lester both frowned distractedly, fiddling with their earpieces. Lester was already by the door, beckoning to Abby, who stood apologetically. "Sorry, Jess. We're needed at the ARC. I'll come back when I can."

"Okay," her voice was weak and needy, but Abby raced off after Lester without so much as a second glance. In their job, they didn't have time for the wasting; she understood that. It just hurt when you were on the receiving end of the rejection.

The room, aside from the distant beeping of machinery, had suddenly fallen silent. Hauntingly silent. Jess, her heart thumping hard against her tender ribs, curled up further down the bed, tucking the covers around her shoulders as sobs rose in her throat. "I think I love him."

XxXxX


	2. Chapter 2

"Connor!" Matt called from the doorway in his smooth Irish tone, yet a hint of irritation lurked beneath.

"Yup?" Connor Temple raised his head from a complicated model in the centre of the desk he sat at, deliberately overdoing the innocence.

Beside him, Abby smirked. If anything was going to annoy Matt more, it was that. "What's he done this time?"

Matt opened his mouth to reply, but Connor cut across him hastily, "Nothing much."

"He's just being Connor."

"Right," Abby tilted her head slightly to the side, eyeing Matt inquisitively. That explained things. Not.

Matt shrugged off her seemingly fierce glare, further entering the room and sinking down into a chair opposite them as Abby slid down onto Connor's knees.

It was fair to say they had an odd relationship; they were rather a peculiar pairing, and Connor had spent a long time in his junior years in the team fancying her from afar as the other lads chased her around. But they'd both grown up an awful lot since then, with the deaths of several of their beloved colleagues, and serious advances in the danger their country faced.

Left alone behind an anomaly in the past, and struggling to accept the harsh reality of their new life, they'd formed an irreplaceable bond, and when they'd finally arrived back in the present day, their relationship had been accepted without any fuss. They suited eachother.

"How are Becker and Jess?" Matt asked thoughtfully, reaching out to take a donut from the tin on the desk, and stuffing it into his mouth in a couple of bites.

Abby rolled her eyes at his manners, but took one herself, nibbling at the icing casually, "Okay, I suppose. Jess can probably go home tomorrow; she's still weak, but she'll be fine as long as she rests. Becker...well, I don't know, really. He was awake when I saw him, and the doctor says he's recovering well, considering. But...but he just looked so..."

Matt hastily gulped down the last of the cake in order to reply, "He's embarrassed; he thinks he failed at his job. And he won't be able to work for a while now – he's not the sort of guy to relish lying around at home watching Jeremy Kyle, is he? He's just sulking. He'll be fine."

"It was worse than that, though. He wouldn't look at me, let alone talk, but...but he'd been crying; I'm sure of it. Since when does Becker cry?"

"He nearly did when Matt shot him with that laser thing," Connor, who was leaning around his girlfriend as he continued to fiddle with the gadget on the table, replied dryly, earning a half hearted glare from Abby. He wrinkled his nose in concentration, attempting to redeem himself. "He could be scared of hospitals or something? Maybe he doesn't like the food they give him?"

It was Matt's turn to chuckle, "You're really not helping, mate. Although the last time I was in there I puked all over the floor after I tried their shepherd's pie..."

"Can't you two shut up for one second?" Abby snapped.

Connor's hand slipped from his work in surprise. Yes, she was stroppy sometimes; weren't all girls? But angry? It wasn't in her nature. "Don't worry, Abs. He'll be fine."

"What if he isn't, though? What if he's not okay?" She stood up abruptly, glowering at them. Connor appeared perplexed, while Matt just shook his head and grabbed another donut. "You're supposed to be his friends, and all you can do is sit here laughing about it! How would you feel?"

With one final irate glare specially reserved for extreme situations, she stormed from the room, slamming the door forcefully behind her, and leaving both men staring after her in a mixture of disbelief and amusement.

XxXxX

"If I should die, think only this of me: That there's some corner of a foreign field, That is for ever England."

Becker's eyes flickered open weakly, the room before him merely a blur of murky light, and his entire body throbbing. But she was here, her sweet tone clear in his ears as she read, and her petite hand lain on top of his. He sought comfort from that. "Jess."

"Hey," she sounded both delighted and apprehensive at his waking, pausing as if lost for words, "Well, I didn't have you down as the romantic poet type."

"How did you..."

"Abby. Your locker."

He grimaced, and she braced herself for a lecture on privacy, but he simply mumbled, "The last two lines."

"And laughter, learnt of friends; and gentleness..."

"In hearts at peace, under an English heaven."

Just something about the way he recited it, sombre, yet so sincere, tugged at her heartstrings. And his expression... "It's gorgeous."

His lips twitched. He owed her an explanation, "My father's funeral poem. I was...I was only eight; I don't really remember, but...but..."

"It's okay," she whispered softly, overcome with guilt. She'd sat there moaning on about her mum, all the while bringing back painful memories for the very man she'd expected to comfort her. "Becker...I'm sorry I didn't come before."

"Don't apologize, Jess," he disputed benevolently, glancing to the side table as his vision gradually returned. It was empty aside from a glass of water. "I doubt I'd have been very good company. And anyway, you're all the more pretty for my wait."

"How are you?"

"Better than I was," came the prompt response. He'd given in to self-pity before, and it never got you anywhere; if only you retained tiny amounts of composure and optimism, you could cope. Still, the pain was horrific, and the sense of loss devastating. Would he ever be fit enough to return to work? Would the scars, both physical and mental, ever heal?

That was another point. He'd refused to glimpse his reflection in the mirror waved in front of his face; the psychologist Lester had commissioned to assess him hadn't gone down well. Nevertheless, he knew he looked bad. He wasn't ready to discover how bad just yet. "And you?"

"Okay."

"Is your mum..."

"She's at home, with my dad. She's peaceful now. That's all I can hope for, really," she mumbled.

"I'm sorry you were injured. I just did what I thought was best. Which evidently wasn't good enough."

"That's not true!" she protested turbulently, the sudden resentment in her tone paramount, "Don't let anyone tell you that, Becker! You saved my life!"

"I'm a soldier, Jess. It's what I'm trained for. What my purpose in life is," he asserted flatly, closing his eyes as an alternative to turning away – too painful to contemplate.

"Stop it!" she exclaimed, removing her hand from his as if he were scalding her, "You're alive, aren't you? You're breathing, you're talking, you're thinking! If you stopped feeling so bloody sorry for yourself for one minute, you'd realise how lucky you are!"

He kept his eyes shut tightly, but her anger stung him. She thought _this_ was lucky? Didn't she realise what this meant for him? Or was she right? Was he acting a total hypocrite – hating pity and selfishness, but wallowing in it anyway?

"Becker, look at me. What happened out there. It doesn't change because...because you're scarred. I don't like you less."

He opened his eyes, gazing into hers. His reflection shone back at him – the left side of his face disfigured with blood and scarring. He wanted to look away, and to never look back. But if it didn't matter to Jess, maybe it didn't matter so much to him. Maybe, as long as he had her, he could get through this. "I like you even more."

A thin smile passed over her expression. She edged closer to him, her hand slipping back up onto his chest, so that his heartbeat pulsed through her. Somehow, amidst the unease, she was fascinated; drawn in towards him.

He, in return, raised a weak hand to her face. He wasn't paralysed, no, but he'd had a fortunate escape, and he barely had the energy to stay awake, let alone move around. Still, he already felt a great surge of affection for this girl, like he'd never felt towards anyone before. She was special. And he needed her to know that.

Jess's lips brushed his unscathed cheek, her breath warm on his neck. Slowly, she reached his own mouth, and they kissed. Gradual, gentle, exploring...

As they pulled apart, Becker grinned. It almost hurt as his muscles stretched; only now did he realise how long it was since he'd felt so light and happy. But it was a good hurt. And, judging by Jess's gleaming eyes, she agreed.

She slipped her coat from her shoulders, and clambered up onto the bed beside him, her gaze never falling from his. He couldn't stifle his yawn, though, however ecstatic he was, and Jess's eyes were also flickering, as if she too were struggling to stay conscious.

So, instead of speaking, he simply slipped an arm around her, and she cuddled down beside him, their bodies fitting perfectly together like a jigsaw puzzle. And, as Jess's hair fell down across her eyes in the picture of angelic innocence, and her chest rose rhythmically alongside her delicate breaths, Becker planted one last kiss on her pale forehead, before falling into a deep, peaceful sleep himself.

Sometimes, actions said so much more than words.

XxXxX

**Thanks for reading - I hope you enjoyed it...please review as I'm still very new to FanFic and really appreciate your comments ;)**

**I forgot to say last time that this story is for Beth xxx**

**A****gain, I don't own any of the characters or settings – I just love to write stories about Primeval...and the poem is by Rupert Brooke :)**


	3. Chapter 3

"How the _hell_ do you cordon off the sky?" Matt wondered aloud tensely, inadvertent as he mimicked Nick Cutter's quote from all those years ago.

Cutter had been the leader; the founder of the investigation, and the first believer that something drastic had to be done. He'd been murdered by his psychotic estranged wife, but not before he'd greatly influenced the development of the mission, and provided future ground to work on. They'd had new leaders since; new rules, new issues. But, ultimately, Cutter's name lived on in the heart and soul of the team, remembered as the real hero.

"Well, we could..." Connor began enthusiastically by his side, but Matt shot him a glare, and he fell silent, gazing up at the fluffy white clouds above them. It was hard to believe anything up there could be evil.

Over the system, Abby spoke stroppily into her microphone; she evidently hadn't forgiven them just yet, "That may just have been a rhetorical question, Connor."

Connor fiddled with his earpiece. He may have been a genius in some aspects of life, but in others he was a hopeless beginner, "What?"

"Don't start again, you two, please; we're barely past breakfast, and you're already at eachother's throats!" Matt reprimanded, changing the subject hastily as Abby gave a distinctly disgruntled sigh, "It's good to have you back, Jess."

"It's good to be back," she agreed cheerfully. They'd all noticed a difference in her behaviour already; yes, she'd always been an upbeat kind of girl, but now all the more so. She seemed calm and content; free from the usual stress that came naturally with this job, yet also with a new maturity never seen before, and a spring to her step. It was sweet to witness, and oddly infectious.

"I have to say, Lester wasn't so great at the whole co-ordinating responses and understanding intel thing."

"Excuse me, Mr Anderson." Lester spoke swiftly in his dry, outspoken snarl, yet a hint of humour emerged, "Can we remember where we are, please, and what is deemed appropriate?"

"How's Becker?"

"Good," Jess responded lightly as Abby queried of no-one in particular, "He was up on crutches yesterday. He's still tired, and weak, but he's doing well."

"I'm not sure how long I can struggle on without his dulcet tones," Matt chuckled.

"So, are you and Becker, like, going out now?"

"Connor!" both Lester and Abby groaned, their joint exasperation ending out reasonably fierce.

"You could put it like that," Jess appeared rather fond of the concept, her voice growing warmer, "Although it's more comparable to staying in at the moment..."

"Work!" Lester demanded, and the line fell silent once again, all leisurely discussions disintegrating instantly at the consideration of the consequences of disobeying.

XxXxX

"Matt!" Connor called across the landscape nervously as he glanced up from the suspected footprint he was examining, and realised he was completely alone. Matt didn't reply, only confirming Connor's dreaded theory. However much more confident he'd become with time and experience, he still preferred to leave the real work to the professionals.

Normally Becker would've escorted them, but as he was still on sick leave, a cover soldier had been sketched into the plan, only he wasn't exactly very efficient. So he'd followed Matt on the trail of an anomaly, while Connor had stayed behind to check out the wilderness. _Big mistake._

"Jess?" Connor heard his voice rise a few octaves as fear gripped him. He was out of the area limit for the radio system, meaning he had no contact with the ARC, or with any other officers out on the field. In other words, he was alone, and with only an out-of-charge mobile phone and a squished chocolate bar to console him.

He stood up and surveyed the scene. What would Cutter, with his cool and collected attitude, have done? What about Abby? Remembered which way they came from.

"Okay, so..." he began hopefully, but everywhere looked the same; a ceaseless ground of overgrown shrubs and rotting tree trunks. He'd been lost in the future for a year, yes, but Abby had been there. It'd been different.

A crackle of twigs came from behind him, and he spun around, gasping as his eyes took in the cause. He didn't need to be adept with feelings to understand this. For there, in front of him, with a menacing snarl in its jaws, was a Dracorex. And that wasn't good.

XxXxX

"Connor? Matt?" Jess pleaded, her new-found joy drowned in worry as she frantically searched the screens in front of her for anything fundamental in finding them. With a broken arm, she wasn't quite as perfect as she had been, but she still managed pretty flawlessly to control the entire team.

Lester stood behind her, both confused by the technology, and slightly in awe of her speed and agility in using it, "How many times have I told them to stay in the zone?"

"They should be back by now anyway; it was only a routine inspection of the area." Jess mumbled, tapping something into the keyboard swiftly, "Oh, come on..."

"Miss Parker? There's a telephone call for you in Mr Lester's office," a smartly dressed young man hung over the banister of the upper floor, shouting down towards her. She frowned, confused and embarrassed, and he added in an even louder tone, "Private line, apparently."

"I think she gets the idea," Lester grumbled deprecatingly. He wasn't a total monster (if you excused the pun, given his line of work); he did care for his staff, and attempted to shield them from trouble.

She gave him a half-hearted smile and strolled off towards the office, walking unusually smoothly since she'd opted for flat shoes – very abnormal for Jess. Before today, she'd felt uncomfortable without heels, as if she needed them to prove herself. Now, though, she felt altered; safer in her own skin. What a difference Becker's input made to her emotional state.

The overenthusiastic employee closed the door behind her as she entered, simultaneously locking out the buzz of contented working as colleagues wandered past with mugs of coffee, or swapped notes in the corridors. Lester's office, with its immaculately ordered files and tactful colour scheme, gave out vibes of negativity, as though it were a different world to the relaxed chaos outside.

Jess lifted the awaiting phone apprehensively, "Hello?"

As the caller spoke, her cheeks were drained of all colour, and her large, empathetic eyes welled with tears. The phone slipped from her fingers and fell to the floor with a crash, the line clicking to a dull, repetitive bleep as she bent her head and sobbed.

XxXxX

**Thanks for reading - I hope you're enjoying the story so far ;)**

**Please review; I love to hear feedback and advice!**

**I don't own Primeval...I just like to write stories about it xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

The Dracorex snarled, the menacing sound echoing through the air, and Connor backed away with his hands held up in surrender. His only hope now was that Matt and his new sidekick heard the battle unfold. Or he was, literally, dead meat.

"Okay, mate. Easy. I won't hurt you." Connor mumbled incomprehensively, stammering. Abby was the animal-mad one; she'd talk to them, and understand their actions. But she'd refused to come with them, and now...

She'd always said the creatures were just as scared as the people they encountered. Well, this one had a ridiculous way of showing it. Or was he frightened of Connor whipping out a gun and tearing him up in a hailstorm of bullets? Was that the animals' view of human beings nowadays? Cruel and heartless; fitted the bill, really.

"Look, we don't use real guns any more. Well, not much. Just these EMD zappers." Connor attempted to reassure the dinosaur. Sebastian, he'd call it. Things always seemed friendlier when they had a name; animals, and people. "So I'd really appreciate it if we could settle this without a fight..."

His opponent fell silent for a moment, his oversized head tipping slightly sideways in consideration. Connor felt his hopes soar; maybe this creature lark was simple after all. But then Sebastian groaned again, and Connor only had time to snatch up a discarded branch before the dinosaur pounced.

They wrestled on the floor, thrashing furiously at eachother. Trivia floated through Connor's brain; facts about the creature he now fought, as well as a whole load of abstract nonsense. Dracorex came from the late Cretaceous era, meaning there was an extremely old anomaly nearby... Would Abby, presuming he survived this, ever forgive him for whatever he'd done?

"Fine, Seb, if that's the way you want it." Connor aimed a forceful stab at Sebastian's throat, and he reeled back, moaning in pain. Connor took advantage and scrambled to his feet, but was knocked backwards as Sebastian dived forwards once more, collapsing into a great muddled heap directly beneath the great jaws of the dinosaur.

"Connor!" Matt yelled from somewhere in the distance, the worry in his tone evident.

Well, at least they weren't hidden, Connor supposed ironically as he forced his aching legs to obey, and stumbled back up. Dinosaurs weren't the subtlest at disguise. "Over here!"

The relief he felt as Matt's figure emerged from the shadows was overwhelming. Becker's temporary followed at a safe distance, his gun cocked edgily. But, as Connor felt himself losing strength under Sebastian's fierce attack, Matt raised his own weapon, firing directly at the creature as he ran.

A perfect shot, right at the muscly flank of his leg. Sebastian leapt away at the last moment, though, and Connor took the full force of the laser, feeling only a deep stab of pain in the stomach before he flopped to the earth, unconscious.

Matt's cursing cut through the bitter evening breeze as he reached Connor's fallen body, his second arrow a whole lot more effective at bringing Sebastian down.

"Get back-up!" he called to the hovering soldier, who scrambled away instantly. He checked Connor's responses, mentally noting to demand Becker came back before any more hopeless provisional team members were employed. The shot had been long distance, but nevertheless highly powered, and Connor was definitely going to suffer when he awoke.

As for Matt himself, he was never going to live this moment down – the day he missed his target. That was, of course, if he first escaped Connor's wrath, Jess's questions, Lester's lecture...

This was going to be a long night.

XxXxX

Jess was huddled up alone in her battered rocking chair, shivering. Whether it was the cold or the emotion, she couldn't be sure. Probably both. She didn't know when she'd last slept, or eaten, or even moved. All she could do was sit crying, her whole body shuddering with each ragged sob.

When she'd been told of her mother's condition, she hadn't been surprised; she'd known in her heart for a long time the severity of the illness. No one lived forever.

But...but somehow she'd convinced herself otherwise. After everything with Becker, she'd felt on top of the world; she'd pushed all her worries to the back of her mind, just hoping they'd disappear. If you wanted something enough, you could force yourself to believe it.

Her mum had given her this chair, she recollected now. She hadn't wanted her only daughter to move away, but she'd accepted it for Jess's sake, and supported her in everything possible. Why did you never appreciate someone until...until it was too late?

Her mobile beeped, and the screen lit up on the table in front of her; a text from Becker. Again. After she'd broken down in Lester's office, he'd assured her as long away from work as she needed, in a surprisingly supportive manner. Abby had driven her home, warming her a mug of soup and tucking her into bed before she'd left. All Jess had really wanted, though, was Becker. His passionate grip around her waist, his gentle fingertips on her cheeks. His promise that everything would be okay.

She couldn't say he wasn't bothered, either. He'd called her several times, and sent a constant stream of messages. She just couldn't bring herself to reply. She leant forwards weakly, lifting the phone and tapping the _read _option.

'Jess, please. I'm really worried about you now. Abby says she came round but you wouldn't answer the door. If you won't talk to me, talk to one of them. I just want to know you're okay. Xxx.'

She could barely bring herself to digest this new update. Becker wasn't exactly adept at the art of text speak, bless him, but the compassion and concern were genuinely unmistakable.

Her finger hovered over _reply_ for a moment, but she couldn't press it. She wasn't ready to converse with anyone about her pain, and she wasn't sure she ever would be - accepting her parent's death, coming to terms with it, and moving on. Her world had stopped spinning, and she couldn't find a way to start it again. No talk with an undeclared boyfriend could change that.

XxXxX

"Why isn't she replying?" Becker groaned, dragging himself up in bed and facing Abby almost accusingly. He was growing better rapidly, and was now able to feed himself, and limp up the corridor on crutches, but his mood had worsened each time anyone had visited him.

Isolated for days at a time, with nothing to do but wonder if he'd ever recover, or worry about Jess, it wasn't really surprising, but it unnerved his colleagues to see him like this; edgy, irritated, distant...

"Her mum's just died. She's upset, she's scared, and she's confused. She needs time to sort herself out."

"She's had time."

"Death's not something you get over quickly." Abby sighed, her voice sorrowful, "It hurts, Becker. It really hurts."

"She can't hide away forever."

"You don't know what it's like, do you? You truly don't understand how it feels to lose someone you love? To love, or to be loved?" she snapped, suddenly angry at his apparent frostiness, "You know what, Becker? I pity you!"

"Abby!" he pleaded after her as she stormed from the room, shaking her head. He felt sudden tears prick under his eyelids as the door slammed behind her, his gaze falling on the only other patient in the ARC infirmary.

He didn't know her name. She was young, and pretty, and, judging by what he'd witnessed, a sweet girl. She'd obviously been attacked by some kind of creature, or she wouldn't be here. It wasn't as clean cut as that, though.

As he regained his strength, she lost hers. The doctors huddled around her as opposed to him now, stabbing needles into her arms or bandaging her head. Yesterday, her supposed son of around five had visited, cuddling up to her as she and her partner cried. And now...now, she just lay there. Her life was over, and nothing anyone said or did could change that. All the love in world couldn't save her life; not any more.

She was just a girl; bright, friendly, innocent, with family, friends, and colleagues. A future. Everything to live for, everything to lose. Yet he, with his detached, sardonic attitude, and no mentionable family or friends, was recovering, whilst she was drifting away. Could life get any more unjust? How did either of them, in any way, deserve their fates?

He slipped a hand under his pillow, and dragged out a pen knife, the blade gleaming in the artificial light of the miniature ward. His entire team hated him; Lester, Matt, Abby, Connor...Jess. And if the only person in the world who'd ever cared didn't any more, then what was the point?

With a deep, steady sigh as his lungs deflated one final time, he closed his eyes, and pressed the metal to his wrist.

XxXxX

**Thanks for reading :) - please review, as I like to hear your feedback and advice. I don't own Primeval; I just love to write the stories! How will Jess cope now? Do Connor and Abby get the happy ending they deserve?**


	5. Chapter 5

Jess felt a warm hand brush hers, gentle and compassionate, and for a split second her heart leapt, filled with hope. But her moment of dreamy happiness crashed down around her as she raised her head and met her father's gaze.

She could see herself in his tear-filled eyes, silent droplets trickling down her own cheeks. Flames danced in his pupils, reflected from the auburn fire as the curtains were drawn around the cremation pit.

The service had been hard; the hymn book useless before her streaming eyes, the vast crowd of mourners only adding to the despair as she struggled to fit into words her mother's life; the love, the laughter...and the loss.

Now was worse. The material curved around the end of the platform, and there was a low rumble, before everything fell silent. That was it. Her mum reduced to a pile of ashes. Never had she felt such unmerciful pain, enveloping her into heart wrenching sobs.

"Goodbye, mum," she sniffed, bowing her head as traces of mascara ran down her face; she hadn't even remembered her waterproof make-up. It was as if she'd died along with her mother. She almost wished she had.

"I'm going to the toilets," she mumbled to her father. He raised his head and nodded, then resumed his praying. She'd always been close to her parents. Yes, she'd had a strict upbringing, but they couldn't have loved her more, and she knew it. Her dad understood she needed a moment alone. He did too.

Aiming a barely visible smile at her aunt as she passed, she stumbled towards the toilets. They were cool and calm; empty. She leant on the nearest sink, splashing icy water over her flushed cheeks in an attempt to clear her mind.

She wore a tiny black dress, accentuating her slim figure, and reasonably high heels too, opal and studded with crystals. She'd pondered over wearing trousers and flats; her mother had always nagged her to dress sensibly. But no. Her mum was dead now. She couldn't lose herself as well as the woman who'd brought her into the world. She had to stay true.

_Even if I say, it'll be alright, still I hear you say, you want to end your life._

The song tumbled through her head, the desperate edge to the tune entirely suitable, and the lyrics indescribably perfect. Becker.

_Now and again we try, to just stay alive; maybe we'll turn it all around, cos it's not too late, it's never too late._

Her mum had died. She hadn't given a lot of thought to anything else since that. As if she didn't have enough to occupy her nightmares, though, Becker had decided to kill himself.

He wasn't dead. He failed at suicide attempts on top of everything else. But it had been a close call. He'd refused to talk to the psychologist, and sent his colleagues away whenever they visited. She'd called him, but he'd blocked her number. Which was ironic, really, given he'd been begging her to talk to him the day before.

She didn't understand him. Was this because of his injuries; he couldn't live with the scars? Or had everything recently brought back so many agonizing memories he'd needed to escape? Any way she arranged the facts, it was her fault.

She wasn't scared of death. When the time came, she'd embrace it. But it was so final; so conclusive. And they were still so young... She didn't know whether to hate him for being so selfish and ignorant after everything she'd already endured, or love him. Admittedly, there wasn't much to support the latter notion right now. But...but he was only human. However he acted, he was only human. It wasn't his fault if he'd become so depressed and desperate he couldn't cope any more. He hadn't made his life any easier, mind; Lester had apparently sacked him promptly, and if he carried on like this he'd lose the only people who cared at all.

Except her. He'd never lose her; she owed him that much. One huge positive, outweighing all the negatives thrown towards her, was that she'd fallen for him, inexplicably and irreversibly. That love was stronger than any barrier they faced. And she knew that, somehow, they'd get through this, whatever the cost.

XxXxX

"Becker?"

He rolled over, wincing at the perseverance it took, and came face to face with Abby, "Oh God, please don't. Just go. I'm begging you."

She slipped the bobble from her wrist and drew her hair back into a ponytail efficiently, her lips set in a determined frown, "No, Becker. Not this time. Give me two minutes, and I'll leave you to mope. But there are things you need to know first, and I'm not taking 'no' for an answer any more."

He sighed. He couldn't be bothered to argue. What purpose would resisting her have? "Fine."

"Right." she nodded in agreement, lowering her gaze to meet his. This week, she'd been a bitch, but now he saw vulnerability in her sapphire eyes; pleading. "I...I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. We really need you; now more than ever. And believe me, I'm letting Lester know that. But...but suicide? You're a soldier, Becker. You can't take the coward's route out when life gets tricky. You need, and deserve, a hero's ending; anything else and you hurt not only yourself but everyone around you. It's not fair."

Becker didn't respond, but he didn't turn away either. Abby was making a true effort here, and she deserved respect, besides the fact that he found himself privately listening avidly.

"Secondly; Jess. She is heartbroken, Becker. She's lost her mum, and now she thinks she's lost you too. I can't tell you how to feel, but...well, just imagine her pain for a moment. All I can do is ask you to do the right thing, nothing more. It's up to you." she paused for a beat, digging a folded sheet of paper from her back pocket and dropping it onto the bed, "And finally, you're not the only one who's made mistakes recently. I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't explain my actions. I...I'm pregnant. Connor doesn't know yet. I was just confused, and scared, I suppose. But now I know what I've got to do. What's lost _can_ sometimes be found."

She departed without so much as a goodbye, leaving him alone once more. The woman across the ward had died yesterday; they'd closed his cubicle curtain, but he'd heard the tortured screams. He'd never forget that sound; the cry of death.

Slowly, he unfolded the letter. It was nothing but a print-out of 'The Soldier', with the last two lines circled.

_And laughter, learnt of friends; and gentleness, In hearts at peace, under an English heaven._

XxXxX

"Give me...let's say five reasons. Why should I even consider allowing Becker back to the ARC?" Lester demanded, slamming a hand down on the table ferociously as the attendees of the meeting remained silent

at his question, "Well, Abby, since you called for this..._tribunal_, I daresay you must have a solid defence case, do you not?"

"This isn't a game, Lester. We're not your pawns," Matt snapped back as Abby glanced helplessly towards her team-leader. Connor, on the other side of Matt, was pale, and gazed distantly out of the office window, while Jess sat head in hands beside Abby. None of them were equipped for this – Lester had far more power than all four together, and they didn't want to fight anyway. But Becker deserved more.

"Five reasons," Lester turned away and began pacing the length of the room, inspecting his watch impatiently, "I don't have all day."

"He saved my life. He sacrificed himself for me," Jess mumbled, raising her head and meeting Matt's warm gaze – he understood she needed reassurance, given that a mere few days ago she'd been informed in this very office of her mother's passing, "If it weren't for him, I'd be dead."

"We'd all be dead," Abby corrected, drawing strength from Jess's heartfelt protest, "He's saved all of our lives so many times...including yours, Lester. Do you never wake in the middle of the night and remember that?"

"He's a brilliant soldier; calm, prepared, selfless. He's a colleague, a friend...Jess's boyfriend. Without him, the whole operation goes to pieces – everything we've fought for is ruined." Matt nudged Connor; they all needed to voice their opinions, no matter how else they were distracted.

"If he's fired, I'm leaving."

Lester froze mid-step, really listening now. Connor, however immature and insensitive, was truly a genius – they needed him. "Don't be an idiot, Temple. You don't mean that."

"I've never meant anything more," Connor assured him calmly, "I...I'm going to be a father. It's not just me I've got to worry about now – I can't go run around taking risks when I'm needed. I won't speak for Abby, but...but I love her, and I'll love our child; I'm not prepared to do this without Becker."

Abby's heart skipped a beat. She'd been petrified of telling him all week; constantly putting it off until the secret was tearing her apart. And when she'd confessed, he'd seemed vague and reserved in his happiness. But...but he'd been shocked – it wasn't every day it was revealed you were to be a father. And, as she met his gaze now, she sensed the fondness and devotion; he'd truly do anything for her. And their child.

"Neither am I."

Lester's eyes grew wider as he glanced between them nervously, analysing their assurance. Both wore deadly serious expressions. He couldn't push them any further, or he risked losing not only Becker, but Connor and Abby too. And all three harboured unique and invaluable skills. "Okay. Okay. If, and only if, he passes the required fitness tests, and the shrink confirms he's emot...actually, since when has Becker been emotionally stable? None of you lot are. Scrap that last bit."

"Cheers, Lester." Matt grumbled, but he reached up and patted Connor on the back, evidently thrilled at their victory. Whatever he pretended, he loved Becker.

"Just make sure there's no more of this melodrama for the foreseeable future. And get back to your jobs. Or you're all sacked."

For a second, Matt considered the notion that Lester had smiled as he'd left the office, then shook the thought off hastily. It must've been a trick of the light.

He glanced around him; Abby and Connor were hugging at the far end of the room, conferring in soft whispers. Jess was focussed on her phone, her fingers flying across the keypad as she transmitted a text to Becker.

Matt grinned, slamming a hand down on the table as to attract his team's attention, "You heard what he said. We've got work to do."

XxXxX

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while...hope you're enjoying it :)**

**I don't own Primeval, although I certainly wish I did after last Tuesday *fan girl scream***

**Please review and tell me what you think xxx**


	6. Chapter 6  The End

**Sorry I haven't updated this for ages!**** Thought I'd finally get round to finishing it off, though, so here's the ending... A bit of fluff after so much angst! But will it reach a happy conclusion? I hope you enjoy it!**

"Morning, sleepyhead," Becker's lips pressed against Jess's ear, his breath tickling her neck. She yawned and rolled over slightly to face him, a smile spreading across her face.

Becker was well on the road to recovering, and was due to return to work full-time next week; at the moment, he just sat alongside Jess as she controlled the team through her earpiece and screens. He'd found it irritating, and was desperate to get back to 'real work', but he'd also learnt quite a lot, and taught his girlfriend many things too.

His girlfriend. They both liked the sound of that. Abby had dragged Jess along to the hospital once Lester had bowed to their pleas, and Becker had talked all night long with Jess, about life, and love, and everything in between. With that had come a relationship, as naturally as the spring daffodils.

"Hey," she whispered, cuddling up to him.

"Don't get comfy; you know we've got to be in work by nine. Lester's still got his beady eyes on me – I need to be professional!" Becker lectured, but he was grinning, "I suppose ten more minutes wouldn't hurt..."

"Becker?"

"Yes, Jess?"

"I..." her words were cut off by the phone's ringing.

"Sorry," with a sigh, Becker heaved himself out of bed and disappeared out onto the landing. He still walked with a slight limp, and he knew Jess sometimes caught the pain on his face when he moved too quickly, but he was reasonably happy with the speed of his recovery. He was thankful every day that he'd survived; now, filled with happiness, he couldn't understand why he'd felt so terribly low and worthless. But he tried to forget the dark times. He had other things to think about now.

Meanwhile, Jess sat up in bed and fluffed up the cushions, listening to the phone call taking place outside. She couldn't make out all of it, but caught certain words; surprise, gift, cake... And she remembered suddenly – it was her birthday!

He came back in after a while, carrying a white bag overflowing with brightly coloured ribbons and tissue paper, "Happy birthday, baby."

"Thanks," she took the present, and searched around in the bag. She tried to hide the disappointment as she realised there was nothing in it, but couldn't – she didn't understand. Why would he do that? Then her fingers caught something small in the bottom, and she fished it out, gasping as she saw the small box in her hand.

He took it from her, and held it out open, so that a gleaming engagement ring encrusted with diamonds shone up at her. She threw her arms around him before he even had a chance to speak, but he took her hand and met her gaze serenely, "Jessica Parker, will you make me the happiest man in the world, and be my wife, please?"

"I...I...yes? Yes!" she jumped up from the bed, suddenly wide awake, and danced around the room, admiring the new jewellery in the mirror, "Oh my God, yes!"

"That's a yes?"

"Yes!"

"Good," Becker grinned, standing up too and wrapping his arms around her waist. They kissed passionately for a long time, both filled with happiness at the thought of what was to come.

Eventually, they released each other, and Jess opened her mouth to speak once more, "Becker, like I was say..."

The doorbell rang, and he rolled his eyes, "Sorry, babe. I kind of invited the crowd around for a party. Or Matt invited himself, and the rest decided to join in... Maybe you'd better get a dressing gown on?"

"Okay," she couldn't help but agree, even if she'd hoped they could have time alone. The team were the whole reason Becker and Jess had found each other anyway – they deserved to be involved in the celebrations.

Becker gave her a last kiss on the forehead and disappeared again. Jess bounced over to the back of the door and slipped a dressing gown on, but then she heard a tremendous crash, followed by a yell, and her heart skipped a beat. She ran to the top of the stairs.

Through the door's window, she could see the silhouettes of her colleagues, all chatting excitedly. But on the mat in front Becker lay still, blood dribbling from his head where he'd cracked it against the radiator. Jess knew Becker had deliberately lied to Lester about that; the doctors had told him his head would be very sensitive for a long time. And...and that another serious injury could...could be fatal.

She threw herself down the stairs and crouched down beside him, refusing to believe what was clear, "Becker, look at me!"

"Mmm..."

"It's alright; everything's going to be alright, just..." she broke off, sobbing. The blood had already formed a pool around his entire head, dribbling down over his head and coating his hair in sticky red liquid. His eyes were fluttering shut. "Becker, I was...trying to ask...ask you. How much do...you love...me?"

He saw the pain in her eyes, and he realised that, when he died, he'd leave behind all his worry and she'd be alone to face everything alone. That hurt him more than anything else as he slipped into semi-consciousness. With one last gasp, he mumbled the words she needed to hear, "I love you more than the world."

His eyes closed for a final time, and Jess fell forwards onto his chest, wailing as if her heart would break. She could hear Lester's voice outside, calling for an ambulance as he realised what was happening. And Abby, hammering on the lounge window desperately. But no one else mattered any more. Nothing could change the fact that Becker was dead. Nothing.

"I loved you more."

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you,_

_I wish nothing but the best for you,_

_Don't forget me, I beg,_

_Remember you said,_

_Sometimes it lasts in love,_

_But sometimes it hurts instead._

**Thanks for reading. I don't own Primeval, and the song at the end (Beth's request!) is Someone Like You by Adele. Please review xx**


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